


I'm still not over my ex, and i doubt i ever will be

by Robronlover96



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: During Canon, Emotional Hurt, Explicit Language, Heartache, M/M, Mental Decline, Mentions of break-up, Pining, Robert’s thoughts during the separation, Suicidal Thoughts, a little bit not much, robert misses aaron, this might make you cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-20 17:07:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20231368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robronlover96/pseuds/Robronlover96
Summary: Robert’s thoughts and mental state during the separation.This is set during the time Robert and Aaron weren't together. and Aaron was with Alex.





	I'm still not over my ex, and i doubt i ever will be

**Author's Note:**

> I had a really fun time writing this 
> 
> And i hope you enjoy :)

Robert misses Aaron he really does, he misses his touch. the smell of his cologne, his smile. his laugh, his kindness, his hugs, his kisses. 

He misses how Aaron cheered him up when he was feeling down, he misses Aaron lying next to him at night when they were sleep, 

He misses holding Aaron in his arms while he combed his fingers through Aaron’s hair as they lay on the sofa together watching T.V

he misses the conversations they used to have early in the morning or late at night when they were in bed,

he misses Aaron making him a coffee every morning and putting it on the bedside table for when he woke up. 

He even misses his grumpiness and also his stubborness. yeah he kind of found it annoying sometimes but on the other hand he found it endearing. he really did, 

But now all these things were just a distant memory and he would never get the chance to do these things with Aaron again! 

and that was the worst thing about all of this, was the fact...that he was no longer with the one person he loved more than anything in the world, 

He was alone... he was all by himself in a tiny little box room in Vic's house, 

Everywhere he went, he would be there, he would be there with Aaron. Whether that would be them walking up the street together with their arms linked. 

Or when they were sat in café drinking coffee together, or when they were in the pub Sat next to each other holding hands and chatting about things while

they drank their pints, 

Or when Alex is making Aaron laugh by telling him a joke or by something that's witty. Or when he makes Aaron smile by saying I love you, and when he kisses him before

he leaves to go to work or to the shop, 

But it shouldn't be Alex making Aaron laugh or making him smile, he should be him, he should be the one making Aaron laugh and making him smile when 

he tells him that he loves him and kissing him before he leaves. but it's not him though is it... no it's not it's Alex! 

It didn’t matter when it was or where it was. every time he saw Aaron or he saw Aaron and Alex together, it was constant reminder that him and Aaron were no longer together. and being reminded of that every single day, it felt like he had been shot in the heart with a dagger. It was painful, he’s not going to lie, it really was... seeing the one you love with someone else,

Someone who's not you. it's hard it really is... people tell him that it will get easier and easier with each day, seeing them together. but that's just a lie, that's just a fucking lie and everyone knows it! people just say that because they can... because tell themselves that and they tell everyone else that! but... the truth is... there's not such thing as closure, closure just doesn't fucking exist! and that's that, it really is...

He tried to be happy for Aaron. he really did, but he can't... i mean... how can he when the one he loves is with someone else, someone who isn't him. he can't...

he just feels jealous, he really does, he feels jealous of Alex because Alex is with Aaron now, and there was nothing he could do or say that would change that... absolutely nothing! 

He wasn't going to lie, he really wasn't. he still had feelings for Aaron. his still had feelings for his Ex, and these feelings were not going away, they were there day in 

and day out, he tried to push those feelings down he tried to ignore them, but no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't... he just couldn't get rid of them, and they just

Lingered in his mind 24/7. with no break or anything from them, 

Eventually, he turned to the bottle, because he thought if he drank he would feel better. and all these feelings that he still had for his Ex, would just go away and leave him be!

But they wouldn't...

In fact... some nights he just lay awake staring at the ceiling, waiting for himself to fall asleep, waiting for sleep to overcome him, but it didn't... he just lay there thinking of Aaron 

and how much he misses him and how much he wants him back, but that wasn't going to happen wasn't it? no it wasn't... 

But some nights he did manage to get to sleep and others well... other nights he cried and cried and then he just ended up falling asleep from exhaustion. 

But seriously though... who the fucks he trying to kid. he’s not over his ex, he really isn’t. and if he’s being honest and he is, he doubts he ever will be! 

Because he loves Aaron, and he still has feelings for him, the feelings that he just can't seem to shake, or get rid off... 

Even from the first time that they met each other, he knew that.. or he had a feeling that he had found his soulmate, he didn't know how he knew this, 

he just knew that He had found the one person that he wanted to spend the rest of his with and have a future with, and buying a house and have kids with one day, 

But now... but now that was all just a dream, a distant one at that, becuase now he was no longer with his soulmate, his one true love, and his 

hopes of settling down with Aaron and having kids with him and having a future with him now is becoming less of a reality and he doesn't know

what the future's going to bring or what's going to happen, but he knows if it's anything like this... he doesn't want to be there, because not being with Aaron is the worst feeling ever and it's killing him. It really is... it's teared him apart inside and he felt his heart being ripped out his chest, watching it being thrown on the ground and being stomp on, 

That's what it felt like... it really did, and no matter what he did nothing would lessen the pain of that and nothing would make him feel better, nothing. nothing at all! 

It got to a point where he thought about killing himself, he didn't want to live, what was the point anyway, there was nothing to live for was there? 

no there wasn't... who's going to miss him anyway, no one. absolutely no one, Most people here hate him anyway... so it would make everyone's 

Life easier if he was dead and he wasn't here, wouldn't it? Yeah... he think so anyway.. because why stay where your not wanted, where everyone hates you.

Where everyone in the village keeps reminding you of all the things you done to people, it hurts. it really does... where everyone keeps reminding you of

What a failure you are, it hurts. It all just hurts... so yeah killing himself would be a better option because at least then he'll finally be free from all the

pain and anguish that is his life. 

And then... he won't have to feel like this 24/7, and he won't have to put up with the pain and heartache that comes along with living without Aaron, 

living without his soulmate, he won't... he can't.. he can't do it! 

Because a life without Aaron is definitely a life not worth living! because how can he live when he has nothing to life for anymore.

He can’t. he just can’t...

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was requested by AshgroveEl. 
> 
> I hope you liked it! 
> 
> if you have any ideas for fics or stories that you would like to write.  
Please don't hesitate to ask ok, because I'll be more than happy to write it for you. 
> 
> If you ever want to talk or anything my tumblr account is: Jenny grindle, 
> 
> P.S. I'm going away on holiday on friday to the following friday so there will be no fics for the next 8 days ok,
> 
> I thought I was just let you know. 
> 
> Thanks, 
> 
> Jenny x


End file.
